Q: I have a genius idea/pitch/spec script for Supernatural. Can I send it to you?
A: Sorry, no. First of all, I am required to immediately hand over anything idea-ish to the Warner Bros legal
department. Second of all, I am not the Jedi you are looking for. That would be the showrunner.
Q: Great! Does that mean I can send these genius ideas to the showrunner?
A: I guess you could... but the truth is, that will get you nowhere. These days, you gotta send stuff through an
agent or it will never reach The Powers That Be.
Q: How do I get an agent?
A: By sending them samples of your work that are so orgasmic that they cannot eat or sleep until they sign
you. This means two things. 1. Write your ass off until your scripts are really great, and 2. Do everything you
can to get your script into the hands of an actual agent. This may be tricky. Try the following: calling the
agency to ask about submission policies; entering script competitions that have agents on the reading panel;
cashing in all favors with friends who have agents; taking reputable screenwriting classes in order to make
friends who have agents, and also to get advice about all this from an actual teacher.
Q: What qualifies as an orgasmic sample?
A: By sample I mean: original material of all stripes (movies, plays, personal essays, short fiction, chapters of
novels...), and then certain specific things that show off your many fantastic facets: an original pilot, and specs
in different genres (go for critically-aclaimed, not-too-old shows with good ratings). By orgasmic I mean that on
a technical execution level, you write the shit out of whatever particular thing you are writing. And also, you
infuse that structure with your own unique voice and flave and point of view. You gotta nail both. As it were.
Q: So I, like, really need an agent to be a TV writer?
A: They're not so bad. I like mine a lot. And yes, you really need one, as far as I can tell.
Q: But it seems easier to get elected President of the Frickin' Universe than to get an agent to read
my script. How did you get anyone's attention?
A: I sympathize. Seriously. As for how I did it: first, I called in some favors and got a friend's agent to read a
script. He hated it. Actually, several agents may have passed on me, but I've repressed the memory. I
ignored the urge to rage, drink, or quit forever and ever, and instead kept writing until the scripts were much
better. (I did these things with a writing partner, which is fun if you can find someone compatible who is as
driven as you are; if not, don't bother.) Eventually, I stuck a script into a screenwriting competition and made
the finals. I used that as an excuse to call every good literary agent in town (as well as entertainment lawyers,
friends, friends of friends, acquaintances, and people's moms) and ask them to read the thing. Not fun to cold
call agents, or anyone, and ask them for something. Much rejection ensues. But it is worth it. I did not win the
competition, but when the smoke cleared, lo! I had an agent.
Q: Which script competitions should I enter?
A: I don't know. The one I entered, Project Greenlight, no longer exists. I know of one TV script competition, at
scriptapaloozatv.com. At any rate, I assume a good google will yield lists galore. While you're googling, go
ahead and search for some sites that warn you about which competitions are scams. Those things cost
money to enter, so do your due dilligence, yo.
Q: Can you recommend some books for me to read about writing and the entertainment industry?
A: I learned about screenplay structure by reading Screenplay by Syd Field; that's kind of the OG of
screenwriting books. I learned about TV script structure by studying actual TV scripts. David Mamet has an
insightful book of essays called Writing In Restaurants (the bit about the "dead kitten speech" is priceless).
The best (and also funniest) advice about the entertainment industry was given to me by Jill Soloway, who has
generously compiled everything into the appendix of her book Tiny Ladies In Shiny Pants. That book is so
funny you'll snort coffee through your nose. Finally, the best advice I've ever read about being a writer,
period, is in Letters to a Young Poet by Rainer Maria Rilke. Go for the Stephen Mitchell translation. It's so
amazing your head might explode, in a good way.
And then when you're done with all the intellectual reading and pondering? Go write. A lot.
